Potty Training...Parent Training

My daughter seems to be interested in going to the bathroom on the toilet. She has successfully gone potty (not just pee either), she regularly lets us know when she has already gone in her diaper. But I'm not getting my hopes up that she is potty training, she did this about 5 months ago. She actually started sitting on the potty every morning and went "number 2" for about two weeks then she just stopped. So I started doing some reading about potty training back then and now I am thinking about it even more. Here's what I wanted to know;

1. What is the overall goal of PT (this might seem obvious... to stop using diapers right, not so easy.)?

2. Is it my job to train her?

3. Is she developmentally ready?

4. What are the ways I could really mess this up?

Here is what I have found out: 1The overall goal is obviously that your child is not longer needing diapers and can go the the bathroom in the toilet... but its WAY more than that. Toilet training is NOT about the parents' accomplishment of getting their child to use the toilet. According to Dr. Sears (askdrsears.com) if your kid is still in diapers when you had planned otherwise, it does not make you a bad mother or father. It just means your child is not ready, and all kids are ready at different ages (usually between 18 months and 2.5 years, but its not unusual for a child to be 3 or four before they are regularly keeping the princess panties dry). The actual accomplishment of using the toilet and being able to stay dry is all about your child. Its their accomplishment.

In the book Kids are Worth it! by Barbara Coloroso, she says "The backbone (authoritative, which is not to be confused with authoritarian) puts the child be in full control of her body functions and master her own toilet training at her own speed. The parent has a flexible routine, is positive and nonchalant about the routine, expects mistakes and sees them as opportunities to learn, has a relaxed attitude, and is available to help. She is not overly concerned about other adult's expectations and comments."

I think that also answers my second question, while my job is to provide guidance, support, encouragement and lots of toilet paper, its my daughters job to be physically and cognitively ready for potty training.

My third question, is she ready, how can I tell? Basically, when she goes in her diaper and is conscious of it, lets her parents know she has peed or pooped, asks to sit on the potty, is able to stay dry for a period of time, or in my personal opinion when she can hold it long enough to only have accidents behind the couch... OK so I didn't read that anywhere, its just what my child is doing. Oh yes she does not have accidents anywhere in the house, just behind the couch. Anyways, a child also needs to be able to communicate they need to go to the bathroom, and most importantly they need to be willing to use the toilet. Once again its not about me being a good cheerleader and getting her to go, its about her being willing to use the potty and then I can become her cheerleader.

OK my final question is about how I can possibly mess up potty training. Coloroso says that parents who take ownership of toilet training (starting before the child is ready), use punishments (spanking for accidents, "big boys don't pee their pants" humiliation, etc. ) or use a more laissez-faire attitude can accomplish several outcomes, these include:

-The child's understanding is that they do not have control over their body or its functions
-resistance
-feelings of shame or failure
-prolonging the process

Dear lord! This is not as simple as it seems.

A few other comments. Dr Sears' says you need the following things before you start PT:

• Sense of humor
• Endless patience
• Creative marketing
• Potty-chair
• Training pants

Barbara Coloroso says you need the following things before you start:

Patience: "the power or capacity to endure without complaint something difficult"
"Once you and your child embark on the toilet-training adventure, thanks to your willingness to establish a backbone structure of preparedness, practice, and patience, your child will be able to begin to see herself as a competent, resourceful, and responsible person who is learning to treat her own body with dignity and regard."
And finally, "Relax. Many mothers and fathers are concerned that teaching their children bowel and bladder control is a mysteriously powerful parent-child interaction fraught with all sorts of hidden pitfalls, any one of which can induce crippling neurosis. But in reality, toilet learning is not different from any other early childhood learning experience-learning how to handle a fork, or button a shirt-that requires a combination of mental and muscular coordination." Alison Mack, Toilet Learning

Zwaggle

I recently came across this parent network that I wanted to share... which is what this site is about. Zwaggle.com is a site where parents can post their children's outgrown things which will be shared with other zwaggle-ers looking for new things. Its a way to keep toys, cloths, and just about everything else in circulation. Here's how it works: lets say you have a few cloths, toys or books your kids are done using, you post them on Zwaggle.com and earn "zwaggle points" and then get to spend those points on other posted things your kids might need or enjoy. All the details are at:

www.zwaggle.com

check it out. its a great idea to keep all those kids things from going into the landfill.

Another great group trying to do a similar thing is www.freecycle.com.
I joined it when I lived in Missouri and came across a lot of interesting items... such a a white rat that someone's snake would not eat, or a child's Elvis suit. But there are other useful things too.

Cloth Diapering Questions

I just had a friend email me a few questions about my cloth diaper entry so I wanted to post them so they might help anyone else. Her questions are in black and my answers are in red.

If I get the Bum Genius
1. is that all i have to get? just several of those? (yes, you do not need snappies, or pins or inserts those come with the diapers)
2. how many do you recommend getting? i have heard a newborn can go through 10 diapers a day! (I suggest about 16 but like you said infants go through a lot... hmmm you could always get started with 12-16 and if you need more get them later, or just have a few disposables on hand during that phase. Its the shortest phase of the cloth diaper wearing days)
3. how is it that they can fit a newborn and a one year old (one size fits all!?)!? (Yeah its kinda crazy, they start at 8 pounds and go to 32 I believe) (I had a 7 pound baby and had to use a few of the old fashion types in the beginning, meaning the type your mom probably used, a big prefold with the snappies and a cover that was for a small baby) I probably did not need to do that I could have just used disposables until she fit and saved my self a few leaks and some money.
4. do you have to buy accessories for these diapers? NO (not really, only the diaper sheets that make it possible to flush the poop. BG comes with a night insert, and that might be really nice to use when your babers is really tiny then the diaper will not be so bulky.) I'm going to send you a few pictures that might help too. OH and what ever system you decide to get for storing dirty diapers I guess you can call that an accessory. But you do not need anything for the diaper itself.
Gotta love cloth diapers!

Eco Babies Wear Green

We just got this book for a friend having a baby. Its is a part of a great series of books that I think most people would find humorous.

Eco Babies Wear Green


This is my favorite part, eco babies wear green, and the picture of the cloth diapers!

Pregnancy and Accupuncture

I have been thinking a lot about acupuncture these days. I have a friend who started it to get healthy before getting pregnant, to get rid of stress and boost her fertility. I have another friend who is already pregnant and using it to minimize her morning sickness. I have two friends who have used it as a natural method to infertility (both got pregnant shortly after starting treatments). Everyone I know who has used it, likes it and says it works. I think it will be my next research project. I'll let you know what I find out. But for now let me tell you what I do know.

First: Fertility
I have known several women who have tried to get pregnant for anywhere from 1 to 3 years. Each of them tried methods such as, charting fertility cycles, medicines, and different medical procedures. After their attempts with doctors failed, they each turned to see what the alternative medicine could offer. Let me stop here to say that each of these women was never diagnosed with a specific infertility problem, they just were not getting pregnant. After starting acupuncture treatments both of my friends got pregnant within a few months. Is this a coincidence? I did a quick google search and found that there is a lot of information on this topic. I cannot wait to get going on my research!

Second: Morning Sickness
My friend who is pregnant has a lot of morning sickness. She is getting treatments for it through acupuncture and said that it is the only thing that actually helps her out. If she gets it regularly it keeps the vomiting at bay.

Alright if anyone knows anything about this topic let me know. I am curious as to what is going on with it.

Everyday Environmentalist

My friend Stephanie wrote this short and helpful article on ways we can use less resources, and clean with green household products. Check out her article here at Everyday Environmentalist.

I have been using all natural cleaning products for about 4 years now. At first I thought it was going to be very costly and not really work. However as someone who had a job as a house cleaner for a time in my life, I knew that there were direct consequences of using traditional cleaners, mostly for my body. First was my lungs, anyone who has sprayed Windex or other ammonia based products onto windows, counters, and mirrors, knows that it is not the most pleasant smell, the same goes for anything with chlorine bleach. The problem is that not only is the smell offensive, but the actual particles you are breathing into your lungs are dangerous. Second was how quickly my skin would react to each product. Mostly by becoming dry and cracking. These are 2 very visible ways to see how harsh traditional cleaning products can be.

Natural cleaning products are not expensive, here is a list of what I use:
Baking Soda -- great for getting soap scum and water marks out of the bathroom, great to clean grout in tile, weird spots in sinks

Boiling water -- wooden cutting boards, things that have grown mold (which happens to everything in Florida)

Trader Joe's Cleanliness is Godliness all purpose cleaner ($2.99) -- windows, sinks, counter tops, floors

bartender's friend -- anything metal that has gunk on it

lemons -- can be used as disinfectant

there are a ton of books on the market on this topic and ways to clean all sorts of things. A few brands to look for: Shacklee get clean products, Seventh Generation, Mrs. Meyers
these are just to name a few that I have used and think are just fine. I do love anything that Trader Joe's dishes out.

Cloth diapers can be done

Two babies lovin' their cloth diapers!


Yes cloth diapers are easy, clean, and cute too. I use cloth diapers, so do lots of other people. Let me just say, what I diaper my child with is not what your mama diapered you with. No pins, no folding, no rubber or plastic pants (now all of this does still exist but the people who choose it are the die-hards in the CD world). When people find out I use cloth diapers they assume that its difficult, and that I have to deal with lots of poop... or something like that. Let me also say that as word has gotten out that I use cloth, I have gotten dozens of emails asking questions about them (I even got one email from Prague!).

The Details--AKA why the heck would you do that?
1. The average family using cloth diapers saves around $2000 per child (shall I move on? Or is that enough reason?) during the diaper wearing years.

2. The average disposable diaper wearing child adds 4000 pounds of garbage to the landfill by age 2.

3. Diapers do not really decompose, well in about 500 years they do. Also once human waste is added to the absorbent materials inside the diapers and the diapers begin to decompose, they become toxic.

4. It is against the law to put human waste into the landfill, I'm not sure why we allow diapers to go there seeing as they are full of human waste. But if you tried to put a bucket of your waste in the trash you would get a fine for doing so.

5. Harmful chemicals: disposable diapers contain the following; dioxin, tributylin (TBT), sodium polyacrylate. Sodium polyacryalate has been linked to slowed wound healing (immune-system damage) and asthma. Also its the stuff that was banned from tampons because of its link to toxic shock syndrome (caused by staphylococcus aureus).



So How Do I Get Started? -- I have written several email on this subject so I am going to do a little time saving, and cut and paste my old emails about diapers. Let me just say, getting started can be easy. What I have tried to do in the following email is make it as easy as possible. So people don't feel overwhelmed starting out with cloth.
Cloth Diaper Styles
1. POCKET DIAPERS -- the diaper is 2 parts, an outside covering with an absorbent insert, which makes it one piece that works just like conventional disposable diapers. Such as: Fuzzy Bunz (the most popular), Bum Genius (what I use and my favorite) or Haute Pockets

a few comments on these brands--FB's are the most well known Pocket's. They will seriously last through like 4 kids. They are very well made. However you will have to buy about 3 sets of them because they are sized (sm, med, lg). BG is my all time favorite because they are not only pocket style but also one-size fits all, so while they are about the same price as FB's you only have to buy them one time, not three! I also have several HP's they are fine and I like the snap option, HOWEVER they are really bulky, so bulky that Marin cannot wear shorts or jeans with them. Also they are not completely leak proof. They cannot be worn through the night ever, or for any long period of time.
*The only negative about pocket diapers is that you have to stuff them together after each wash. But the dry super fast because they are not made out of cotton, but something like micro fleece.

2. AIO (all in ones) --these I did not use because they didn't seem practical or very easy to clean, also when I held them they had plasticy outsides and I like the cloth feel. Here are a few examples. The one plus is that you do not need to stuff them after wash (which I will tell you all about in the next section) they are just one diaper... BUT they take forever to dry as a result.

3. DIAPER COVERS--waterproof cover with a variety of inserts. I used these for the first few months. The only plus of these is that they are the least expensive way to go, per diaper... but considering you have to buy three sets (sm, med, and lg) in the end you will still spend more than the Pocket diapers. Here is how these work: here is your cover , there are many different brands out there that vary in price. Its the insert that varies. You can have the insert that works like this: mother-ease, fitted, and finally (what we did--and I don't suggest this way AT ALL!!!) the Chinese prefold these are the onces that need either pins or snappies.

OK so there are the diapers. Now how do you store them?

Storing Dirty Diapers:

1. Wet Storage--this requires a bucket with a tight lid (so that someday toddler cannot open it and get in) you can get your wet storage bucket at Lowes in the paint section, they have the best snap on lid that no child would ever be able to remove. And its way cheaper than buying one that is specially made for cloth diapering. Now this system is not for the weak stomach... because you will have a bucket full of watery-poop... that you have to touch...

2. Dry Storage--this is best done if you buy this bag. Its called the wet bag, but its dry storage. There are other options out there but most of them are not zip so they are not smell proof. I suggest you have 2. QUESTION? so how does the poop come out of the diaper if you do dry storage. Well for the first 6 months of your baby's life you will be dealing with breast milk or formula poo, so you will just throw it all in the wash (or you can pre rinse them in the tub and then put them in your wet(dry)bag waiting to be put in the washer) most washers have a pre-wash cycle though so that will rinse them well then wash them. Its a nice easy deal. Then as you introduce food and baby starts to get really nasty poop you can buy these nice little sheets flushable liners. These lay on the diaper between the baby's rear and diaper and peal right off after a poop. The nice thing about this brand is that if baby is just wet you can actually just throw them in the washer with your diapers, and dryer too and they last about 3 times through that cycle. So if you get a really messy diaper you can always pre-rinse it in the toilet or tub first and then wring it out and just put it in your dry bag until you wash.

WASHING--this is an easy one, just about every 2.5 days. Or on day 3. So this leads to next question:
HOW MANY--you need about 16. You will use about 6-8 each day.

WHAT ABOUT NIGHT TIME---use disposable... OK I have tried to use cloth at night. Bum Genius comes with a night liner, and it works well (HP's does not make it through the night, neither does FB, even with the extra liner in it) Either way your baby will wake up smelling like pee, and the diaper gets really really smelly and its just really really bulky, I mean Marin could not even roll over in her night diapers when she was littler because they were so bulky. So I have always done disposable at night. Every now and then I revert to cloth because I ran out of the others but its just not the same at night. I know a lot of cloth diaper purists and they also use disposable at night. There ARE cloth night options, they are expensive and I don't really know anything about them.

WHEN DO I START-- I always always suggest to all new mommas that they do not start for the first month. Give yourself at least 4 weeks to heal after birth, learn to nurse, rest, get used to your new baby. Even after 4 weeks I only started using them part time for a few weeks. It takes a while to get used to them. But once you have it down its as easy as cake! I timed myself the other day and it took 3 minutes to get them in the wash, and about 10 to stuff and fold my pocket diapers.

SOAP--any of the baby or free and clear name brands will do. Do not use fabric softener because they will begin to repel moisture... not a good idea. And you are not supposed to use bleach it will tear up the elastic... however I use the Publix chlorine free greenwise brand just about every 10th wash to make sure there is no funky smell. *Sunshine can also take care of funky smells.

*side note* YOU CAN REGISTER AT MOST CLOTH DIAPER STORES. (my personal favorite is cottonbabies.com, but you might have one locally too!)

More to come on cloth diapers.