I HATE public bathrooms!!!

Marin is using the toilet with regularity now (no pun on the regularity part haha), and is past the point-of-no-return, to using diapers when we leave the house that is. Actually I have packed up all my cloth diapers, and we only use disposables at night and sometimes at nap, but not even every time at nap because she wakes up dry a lot of time. Anyways it can be kind of nerve wracking to leave the house with an inexperienced toilet user, who refuses to wear anything but her undies. To be honest she does better when we are out and about because I'm asking her a lot if she needs to go, and at home I forget, and she gets busy and forgets sometime too.

Along with taking a trip to the grocery store or where ever it is we are going we will most likely have to use a public restroom (unless we are able to make a trip to daddy's office and then we can use that bathroom, which always makes me happier).

Here's the deal for all of you out there with kids you want to potty train, don't do it if you have a public toilet phobia, or just don't leave the house until you child is like 5! I seriously don't know how people cope with this issue. Here is what using a public toilet looks like with a toddler: "mommy I have to potty", abandon your cart because "no carts allowed in restrooms", rush to restroom that probably has not been cleaned in a month (I have taken note of the Publix grocery stores that have the cleanest bathrooms in our town, it matters), find the stall with the least mess or poo in the toilet or one that is not stopped up by a wad of toilet paper/tampons/diaper/whatever it is that clogs toilets, threaten your child to not touch anything, which of course they have already touched the trashcan, floor, sink, and yes the toilet! I often put down a toilet paper cover on the seat and then set her on that because those thin paper seat covers are ALWAYS out, and if they aren't out they always fall into the toilet anyways (its a bad design). The whole time we are in the bathroom I'm about to pass out from anxiety and fear that she's going to touch more than she already has and put her fingers in her mouth, because that's what kids do with their fingers. We wash our hands like a doctor going in for surgery and leave whatever mess we have made behind us with no guilt because all that matters is that we are done. Have I mentioned that I hate using public bathrooms?

I know I'm not alone here, I have a friend who also has all girls and has taught each one how to pee while cradled in her arms and bottom hanging over the toilet. Its impressive to see actually, and I'm jealous that she can pull it off.

Either way I know there are some toilet seat covers you can buy and keep in your purse but that doesn't solve the other problems that I have with this issue. Anyways, if anyone out there has a good soulution or words of comfort feel free to comment, I'm always looking for suggestions. And sorry for such a depressing entry, its just what I was thinking about tonight, and wishing for a solution... maybe I'll get a portable potty that stays in my car and just run her out the the car each time she has to go.

Potty Training...Parent Training

My daughter seems to be interested in going to the bathroom on the toilet. She has successfully gone potty (not just pee either), she regularly lets us know when she has already gone in her diaper. But I'm not getting my hopes up that she is potty training, she did this about 5 months ago. She actually started sitting on the potty every morning and went "number 2" for about two weeks then she just stopped. So I started doing some reading about potty training back then and now I am thinking about it even more. Here's what I wanted to know;

1. What is the overall goal of PT (this might seem obvious... to stop using diapers right, not so easy.)?

2. Is it my job to train her?

3. Is she developmentally ready?

4. What are the ways I could really mess this up?

Here is what I have found out: 1The overall goal is obviously that your child is not longer needing diapers and can go the the bathroom in the toilet... but its WAY more than that. Toilet training is NOT about the parents' accomplishment of getting their child to use the toilet. According to Dr. Sears (askdrsears.com) if your kid is still in diapers when you had planned otherwise, it does not make you a bad mother or father. It just means your child is not ready, and all kids are ready at different ages (usually between 18 months and 2.5 years, but its not unusual for a child to be 3 or four before they are regularly keeping the princess panties dry). The actual accomplishment of using the toilet and being able to stay dry is all about your child. Its their accomplishment.

In the book Kids are Worth it! by Barbara Coloroso, she says "The backbone (authoritative, which is not to be confused with authoritarian) puts the child be in full control of her body functions and master her own toilet training at her own speed. The parent has a flexible routine, is positive and nonchalant about the routine, expects mistakes and sees them as opportunities to learn, has a relaxed attitude, and is available to help. She is not overly concerned about other adult's expectations and comments."

I think that also answers my second question, while my job is to provide guidance, support, encouragement and lots of toilet paper, its my daughters job to be physically and cognitively ready for potty training.

My third question, is she ready, how can I tell? Basically, when she goes in her diaper and is conscious of it, lets her parents know she has peed or pooped, asks to sit on the potty, is able to stay dry for a period of time, or in my personal opinion when she can hold it long enough to only have accidents behind the couch... OK so I didn't read that anywhere, its just what my child is doing. Oh yes she does not have accidents anywhere in the house, just behind the couch. Anyways, a child also needs to be able to communicate they need to go to the bathroom, and most importantly they need to be willing to use the toilet. Once again its not about me being a good cheerleader and getting her to go, its about her being willing to use the potty and then I can become her cheerleader.

OK my final question is about how I can possibly mess up potty training. Coloroso says that parents who take ownership of toilet training (starting before the child is ready), use punishments (spanking for accidents, "big boys don't pee their pants" humiliation, etc. ) or use a more laissez-faire attitude can accomplish several outcomes, these include:

-The child's understanding is that they do not have control over their body or its functions
-resistance
-feelings of shame or failure
-prolonging the process

Dear lord! This is not as simple as it seems.

A few other comments. Dr Sears' says you need the following things before you start PT:

• Sense of humor
• Endless patience
• Creative marketing
• Potty-chair
• Training pants

Barbara Coloroso says you need the following things before you start:

Patience: "the power or capacity to endure without complaint something difficult"
"Once you and your child embark on the toilet-training adventure, thanks to your willingness to establish a backbone structure of preparedness, practice, and patience, your child will be able to begin to see herself as a competent, resourceful, and responsible person who is learning to treat her own body with dignity and regard."
And finally, "Relax. Many mothers and fathers are concerned that teaching their children bowel and bladder control is a mysteriously powerful parent-child interaction fraught with all sorts of hidden pitfalls, any one of which can induce crippling neurosis. But in reality, toilet learning is not different from any other early childhood learning experience-learning how to handle a fork, or button a shirt-that requires a combination of mental and muscular coordination." Alison Mack, Toilet Learning