Passing on a Poem

My brother sent me this little poem this morning. I'd like to post it as Part 2 to Crazy Pants

I love my boy, today he has reorganized the kitchen pantry, pretended to be an Olympic diver, watched dogs and their people walk past the house, matched some color blocks together, had three snacks, and peed on the floor twice. I think he too will save the rainforest...

Genes

by Sharon Dunn

My eleven year son wants to fish,
he owns two rods, one saltwater,
one freshwater. He loves knives,
Bowie knives, Swiss Army
knives, "Knives like this one?"
my brother says, opening his desk
drawer and taking out a small
jackknife with antler handle.
My boy camps outdoors, begs to sleep
outside, is always shooting
arrows, rubber band guns,
he is lashing together a fort
in the backyard. He sails,
swims, kayaks and wants
to know the stars.
The outdoor hunting genes
are in the dark men in my family.
Yet I believe he is a son of light.
His joy in reading, cooking
and piano are fanned
from the tinderbox
of his father's heart.
He will save rainforest,
he will grow vegetables,
keep horses, fly his own plane.
He will make his own brave life,
he will not remake our lives
nor redeem us, nor pity us.

"Genes" by Sharon Dunn, from Refugees in the Garden: A Memoir in Poems.

the link to this poem is at Writers Almanac today. 

Crazy Pants or Why Mommy is So Tired

We have a girl and a boy. We used to think we were good parents when the girl was a toddler. We never had the so called "terrible two's", any ill behavior was "redirected" with ease, there was little drama as she discovered her autonomy, and we thought it was because we did such a good job at setting boundaries and understanding our child. Then one night in May when the owls were hooting like crazy we gave birth to a little boy in our garage, and our whole life changed. Actually he had us fooled at first, he was a much easier sleeper, he let his daddy hold him as much as mommy, he never cried, he was cute as can be, and he had perfected snuggling within just a few moments after his birth. 

see how innocent he looked... don't trust him for a moment!

 Then he turned 27 months and strange things started happening.

Let me start with the list of items that have gone missing (some found some not).
1. Trader Joe's Organic Chocolate Syrup (found under the couch with item 2)
2. Eggplant from our CSA (also found under the couch)
3. Jars of peanut butter (always found in random places, sometimes under the couch)
4. Chocolate graham crackers (never the other flavors, honey or cinnamon)
5. Marin's tiny special tube of tooth paste from her visit to the dentist. Still missing but no evidence of being consumed. 
6. Kitchen sheers (I think they went missing during his "throw it in the trash phase")
7. Paci's (I think this is very common in most households, but seriously where do they go? In two years I probably bought a dozen and when he finally weaned from it there was only one lurking about)
8. There are other things like socks that get flushed down the toilet, shoes found at the bottom of the dirty laundry hamper, DVD's, toys, silverware, cloth napkins... I tell you he's like a rat sticking things here and there. 

Next lesson I would have liked to have been prepared for before having a boy: Everything is broken! We had no broken anything with the girl, but the boy! Every one of our lovely board books was in great shape until the boy starting liking them, now not one of them has a spine. The sturdy wooden kitchen looked like it came out of the box for four years until the day the boy learned how to pull himself up and the first thing he did was rip out the hot and cold water knobs. Toys with wheels, have no wheels. The cute drawer shelves I put on the wall next to the kids beds... of course one got ripped right out of the wall (he was trying to hang from it). The holes where the screws were are so huge (in the wall!) I'm sure a mouse comes in and visits them each night.  

"the only reason I want to stand is to tear apart this kitchen sink"

Third, THE MESS

before

after

 Fourth: There is very little "redirecting" with this boy. If his heart is set on doing something, its set. To all the authors out there writing parenting books, if you wrote "if your child is doing something they ought not be doing, offer them something else. Try to redirect their attention to a more positive behavior or object... blah blah blah" You probably never had a little boy is all I have to say. 

gardening with a girl
 

gardening with a boy 

 

"I love everyone, and blueberry pie"

 (two minutes later) "I don't like anyone, get me in bed for my nap before I get really crazy, and get this crap off me!"

"Hmm oh this book is about not being naughty, I'll just eat it while standing dangerously high on this box, and then throw it under the couch for safe keeping." (Another item that went missing)

He sleeps like an angel, with a monster on his head!

 Isn't he the cutest thing? People there is a reason he's wearing a monkey harness at IKEA! 

We thought we were good parents when all we had was a compliant little girl and a baby boy. But then we realized that it wasn't us being good parents, it was her being a good child. And its not that he's bad (okay well sometimes he is, like today when he asked for a cracker with the intention of pulverizing it into as many pieces as he could and then shoving it into the window frame. No wonder we can't get rid of the ants!) he's really opinionated, strong willed, mischievous, curious, silly, and has a brilliant sense of humor. All these things keep me on my toes more than ever before. When the girl was quiet it usually meant she was reading, playing with her dolls, coloring, something like that. When the boy is quiet it means he ripping another spine off a board book, undressing all the baby dolls and throwing them off the bed, coloring on the wall/fridge/door/book/shelf, something like that. I used to think quiet meant I would get something done, like fold the laundry while listening to an inspiring podcast. Now quiet means find him as quick as I can and expect a surprise. 

While I am for sure more frustrated and tired with my boy, he also makes me laugh hard and sing louder. I am working really hard at "responding in firm kindness" (I have that posted on my kitchen wall). But if anyone out there wants to prepare me for our next phase I would love a heads up before it starts! 

Post Correction

If you read the post on How to Land Your Kid in Therapy, I have made a minor correction about sports. I want to make it clear that I am not against kids playing sports because they get a reward even if they lose. The research to the benefits of playing sports is abundant. I just wanted to be clear as to what I was getting at in that post. 

Best Popsicles EVER!

There are three ingredients to making the most amazing popsicles EVER. They are listed above. 

I love popsicles, smoothies, milk shakes... hmmm what else can you make in the blender as a cold afternoon snack? Well I probably like that too. 

So the other day I was making another Naturally Ella recipe and it needed some coconut milk. But then I was left with a good amount of the coconut milk left over. I looked in the fridge and there was about a cup of strawberry yogurt, and Trader Joe's chocolate syrup. Not wanting to waste the coconut milk I threw all three in the blender and then poured the mix into my popsicle maker and into the freezer. There was some left over so the kids and I drank that with a straw. 

If you like to make popsicles the secret to making really smooth one's and not frozen ice one's the to raise the fat content and lower the water content. So if you use coconut milk, whole milk, whipping cream or yogurt you will get a much smoother frozen treat without the chunks of ice. 

Coconut milk is good for nursing moms (the high quality fat will increase your milk supply), underweight babies and kids and sick kids. No one in my house is any of those right now, but we do enjoy a tasty creamy popsicle over one full of ice chunks as a treat once in a while. 

 

How to Land Your Kid in Therapy

On Saturday Marin and I were at a birthday party and some moms started talking about how they won't put their kids in organized sports. I overheard just a bit and being the nosy person I am I had to jump in and ask questions. You know me I love to hear reasons behind parenting beliefs or styles (its sort of an obsession). "Why don't you like organized sports" I asked. Both mom's proceeded to tell me that they want their child to experience losing, and not being told they are awesome when they may not be. "We want our kids to live in the real world, you don't get rewarded when you don't win." Basically these moms (and I totally agree with them) want their kids to live in truth. If you lose the soccer game, you are not a winner, you lost. Its okay for kids to lose. In fact its great for kids to lose when they are little. If a child never experienced the devastation of losing when they are six, how do we expect them to EVER handle it in college, or even later, in the work force. If we lie to kids and tell them, "you're all winners" when the truth is, "some of you won, some of you lost" or "some of you are better than others" they will never learn how to work harder to improve themselves. They also will never be able to achieve job satisfaction when others are better than they are, or when the "dream" job is given to another better applicant. Children actually believe they are great at everything if we tell them they are, but one day they realize we were liars when someone excels beyond them. 

I loved hearing these moms have such a deep conviction of teaching their children truth, that organized sports have been dumped out of their after school activities. This in no way means that I am against sports (I'm saying this coming out of having paid for extra cable last month to pack in as many Olympic events as possible). And the research showing the positive benefits from being part of a team, learning discipline from a sport, and training is out in abundance. But I think its worth thinking about how those of us who will put our kids in sports how will be teach our kids to be good losers and winners.

Just in case you have not come across this article yet on the Atlantic 

I wanted to share it with you. 

How to Land Your Kid in Therapy by Lori Gottlieb

This is a really great read, long but good, about our obsession with our children being happy. The fear of our child experiencing any sort of disappointment and how by protecting them from that as a child results in very unhappy adults. I wanted to share it with you all because it is such a great parenting article. I came across it at Thriving Home

Enjoy!

School Breakfast (part 2)

prep for school breakfast

 Elementary school starts really REALLY early in our town. Seriously, really early! So I made breakfast two weeks ago and put it all in the freezer. Here is what I made, its easy and quick.

everything starts with eggs

 I made little "cheesy eggs", individual sized baked eggs. Yes those are chop sticks, I beat my eggs with chop sticks. I learned this little trick when I was a young teen and spend a few months in China. We had a cook who always beat eggs with chop sticks and so I tried it when I came home and it works better than a whisk. I know I'm a crazy cat.

baking cheesy eggs are so beautiful when they puff up

So a secret I learned, not in China, but at a little French bakery right here in town that I worked at for a few years, is how to make great awesome eggs without a skillet, in the oven! There are a few tricks, first whip them with chop sticks... just joking, first you must use WHOLE WHIPPING CREAM! Oh yes I did say whole whipping cream. Hey this breakfast is for a kid who may talk too much at lunch with her friends to actually eat lunch so she needs some high quality protein. And the rest of her family will just have to walk an extra mile. The second secret to awesome cheesy eggs, is use some good cheese, not just cheddar, but I use a great flavored goat cheese or some feta crumbled. This gives your eggs a great flavor.

wrapped in freezer paper

 I wrapped them in pairs in freezer paper and done!

hmmm what does go with eggs?

 Well something needs to go with eggs, so I made, baked breakfast oatmeal bars... I started with a recipe from a blog I came across when I did a search for breakfast bars. Cooking During Stolen Moments

Add caption

 I changed the recipe in the following ways (mainly because I'm not really very good at following recipes and would rather just cook and not do all that reading) 

2 Tbs ground flax seed
1 Tbs wheat germ
1/2 cup brown sugar (I always cut the sugar, or take it out and add honey or agave) 
no white sugar
extra cinnamon
half the salt called for
I was out of raisins 
I added a peach, yep a whole fresh peach. I cut it into really tiny pieces and it was a great addition

these taste like breakfast cookies!

oh the work is not yet done

This is the worst part of cooking 4 bags full of pre-made breakfast. No fun... I should have taken pictures of the mess the kids made in the house. It was a complete wreck too. But hey we have had a healthy breakfast all week. 

Enjoy your eggs with your school year!

First Day of Kindergarten, aka The Day Mom Cried Her Eyes Out

It all started with a little girl who loves learning, her little brother, her parents, her friends and Jesus

She was very worried about waking up too late. Her mom was more worried about her getting enough to eat

Taking an apple to her teacher on the first day was completely necessary

Her little brother wanted to dress in uniform too (don't trust that smile he's up to complete mischief)

He thought it would be nice to walk her out... and whack her a few times (and the car) with the umbrella, see you thought he was being nice on this cloudy morning

Marin and her daddy will join the biking community from our neighborhood each day and make the seven minute ride to school for Marin and then on to work for daddy

it was a humid sweaty ride to school for daddy, but a breeze for the girl, final hugs all around

Marin found her own cubby, sits across from a red-head with the same name as her uncle in Missouri, and has a delightful teacher who's name comes right out of a storybook. A good friend of ours who teaches at her school had her office moved into the Kindergarten building this year and I cannot begin to tell you how much that has calmed our fears having a friend near our little one during the day.